You and your spouse have decided to get a divorce, and, while you might be in pain from this decision, your children are likely even more hurt and confused. It is an unfortunate fact of divorce that there will be an almost certain impact on your children. Entering into respectful discussions that are focused on the wellbeing of your children demonstrates an ability of both parties to parent together and separately. It is imperative that, when dealing with child custody and visitation arrangements during your divorce proceedings, you continually advocate for what is in the best interest of your children. If you have elected to litigate your divorce in court, you can expect extended visits with lawyers and, in some few cases, a guardian ad litem (a lawyer appointed by the Court to represent your children’s interests in the litigation) as well as a heightened stress in the family. Children are imminently perceptive, and if you choose an unpleasant divorce battle, there is not much you can do to shield your family. If you and your spouse choose a respectful, impartial family law mediation, however, you can choose to act on behalf of your children’s best interests.
We often hear people say some version of “There’s too much conflict in my divorce to go through mediation; it’ll never work for us.” The truth is, divorce mediation often benefits couples and families embroiled in high-conflict divorce proceedings even more, because it gets to the root of that conflict in a safe and confidential environment. Whether you and your spouse cannot stop fighting, have significant assets, want different outcomes for your children, or any other reason that has led to conflict, divorce mediation can help.
There are many decisions you have to make when seeking a divorce. The best options may not be straightforward, depending on your case, your spouse, your assets and property, and whether or not you have young children. For a more collaborative approach, you may consider divorce mediation. Undergoing mediation might eliminate the need for a divorce attorney to handle your case if yours has the potential to be resolved using qualified trained mediators.
People often assume that divorce mediation is only effective when both parties are in complete agreement (or close to complete agreement) about how they wish to proceed. Just because the two of you are not getting along, however, does not preclude the option of mediation. In fact, if you and your spouse are struggling to maintain an amicable relationship, or if you feel things have become too adversarial, mediation could help you come back together long enough to plan out how your future will go. An experienced professional mediator can help reestablish communication at least for purposes of planning your future.
When most people think of divorce mediation, they assume there is one mediator who moves back and forth between a divorcing couple, trying to get both parties to compromise. While “shuttle” mediation is a real technique, we have found that it grants most of the power to the mediator himself or herself, and not to the couple who is trying to resolve their differences. Sometimes it works, and sometimes couples leave their mediation session more entrenched in their beliefs that they are “right.” (Shuttle mediation may have a role in certain cases, but generally not divorce case.)
